Self-Talk

Self-talk is the running conversation you have with yourself: the thoughts you direct at yourself about what’s happening and how you’re doing. “Self thoughts” and “self dialogue” mean the same thing. It can be kind, harsh or practical, and it shapes your mood, your motivation and what you do next.

Also called: inner voice; inner dialogue; internal monologue; the inner critic.

Types

Positive self-talk: encouraging and realistic. “This is hard, and I’ve done hard things before.”
Negative self-talk: critical or catastrophising. “I always mess up.” It’s linked with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, and often uses distortions such as overgeneralisation.
Instructional self-talk: telling yourself what to do. “Slow down. Breathe.”
Distanced self-talk: talking to yourself by name or as “you” instead of “I”.

Examples

Before an interview, one person thinks “I’m going to freeze and they’ll know I’m a fraud.” Another thinks “Tunde, you’re nervous because this matters. You know the work.” In seven studies with 585 people, those who coached themselves by name or as “you” before a speech or a first meeting performed better in raters’ eyes, and felt less distress.

Building better self-talk

Notice it. Write down the exact sentence.
Check it. What’s the evidence?
Switch to “you” or your name when the pressure is on.
Replace the attack with an instruction: not “I’m hopeless”, but “Next step: send the email.”

Our guide to tackling negative thoughts goes further.

In Nigeria

Many of us grew up with correction louder than praise, so the inner voice learned that tone: “Is it only you?” A kinder voice can feel like going soft. It isn’t. The aim is accuracy: an honest coach, not a bully.

Self-talk vs affirmations and overthinking

Affirmations are fixed positive statements you repeat; self-talk is the whole running commentary. Overthinking is self-talk stuck on a loop with no next step.

When to get help

If your inner voice is constantly cruel, or has turned to not wanting to be here, don’t keep it to yourself. Call 112 (or 767 in Lagos), or Safe Place Nigeria on 0800 800 2000. The full list is on our helplines page. For the everyday critic, CBT works directly on self-talk: you can book a licensed therapist on Mytherapist.ng for CBT and skills therapy.